Do I love her because of her beauty?
 No, though her smiles can carry me through the day.
Is it due to her intelligence?
 No, however I admire her passion for learning
Does my love stem from her wit?
 No, but I enjoy our laughter filled discussions
Could it be her touch alone?
 No, yet I do long for her warm embrace
Perhaps her love is the cause?
 No, for I would love her with none in return

Why is it that I love her...

I love her because she inspires me;
My muse sets me free to fly

"We try to justify ourselves as we compare the extent of our sins with others"

 I am not a worse person for this.  I have made a mistake.  Forgive me, Father.  Allow me to resist temptation.  Thank You for Your grace and mercy.  Help me to rid myself of pride.  Give me the strength to carry on.

Amen 

The title is from the song In Between by Linkin Park from the Minutes to Midnight album.  It's a good one.  Unfortunately it reminds me of our relationship.  I say unfortunately because it is a sad song.
Before we get into what I was supposed to be saying last night on the phone, let me say this: I miss you...

I miss you.  I miss late summer nights spent discussing whatever came to mind.  I miss laying in your car thinking about how lucky I was to know you.  I miss our first "snuggle" at the Quarry even though it was awkward and I was being eaten alive out there!  I miss watching you tell people what they need to hear when no one else is willing to say it.  I miss locking eyes with you until you break out in that big beautiful smile like you always do.  I miss floating in the ocean with you even though the water made my sore teeth chatter.  I miss staying up late in New York, so that I could think up the words to describe how I felt about you...

I miss when this relationship was easy, and I miss when I could think about you for a while without tearing up, *but I think most of all, I miss when it didn't hurt to love you*

The last two weeks have been rough ones.  We have had a high concentration of bad conversations.  I'll take credit for some of that, but a few times I think we would have had those conversations regardless of how I felt.  I have been made aware that if I swallow my feelings like I have been trying to do, one day we our going to wake up and realize that we are miserable.  I am not doing you any favors by trying to absorb this pain.  You cannot run from your feelings, and when you try to shove them down, they eat away at you until finally they come out.  I guess I've kind of had it in my head that if I can last until we are married then it will just get easier as time goes on.  My conversation with Rochelle made me realize that that is not how it works.  We might get through the first year fine, but eventually I will start asking myself the same questions again, and I still wont have any answers.
I'm not saying that we are done.  I guess I am saying that when you come back (since we wont be kissing) we need to take some time to address this.  "This" being, in our current state or maybe my current state, I don't think that a marriage would work.  Without some sort of change, I just don't see how it would be possible.